February 2018

Anecdote 19: How to behave around someone who lost a child, part four

Anecdotes from Avi

Introduction

During the last anecdote we likened the loss of a child to the permanent loss of dancer’s legs. We will now conclude our discussion of how to behave around a bereaved parent with a set of dos and don’ts.

Dos and don’ts

When you are around, or with, a bereaved parent and you are together in order to discuss a specific purpose, then keep that purpose in mind. If you are together for a social meeting and have no specific reason other than being together, you should behave with the bereaved parent as you would behave around anyone else. The subject of the loss child may be brought up and discussed, it is not a taboo subject. In other words be yourself.

Don’ts

Your job is not to assume that you need to cheer the bereaved parent up
Your job is not to do one better and tell a story of a loss in your life
It is not your job to dictate how the bereaved parent should feel.
It is not your job to repeat every time you meet a bereaved parent that such a tragedy should happen to no parent

Dos

Allow the bereaved parent to have a burst of sadness, tears or cry without you needing to “fix” it or cheer the bereaved parent up. At times an event will trigger a memory in the bereaved parent. The emotions that are wrapped around the lost child are intense and as such may result in an uncontrolled burst of emotions. Those emotions will subside, the bereaved parent will regain control. What you can do is give that bereaved parent the gift of time and space and allow the bereaved parent to regain composure. After Peggy found Ben’s lifeless body we called 911 and started CPR in an attempt to bring Ben back to life, the paramedics arrived shortly thereafter and determined that Ben is gone at which point the police wanted no one in Ben’s room. Nevertheless, Peggy refused to leave Ben’s side because she did not want Ben left alone. A year, or so, later during lunch, a lady told me about the loss of her father and how busy she was arranging the funeral and burial. All this time she was so busy she could not think about the loss of her father. Then when people left the funeral home it was the first time she could wrestle with the loss itself and she could not bring herself to leave her dad’s coffin’s side, because she did not want her father left alone. When I heard the story I thought of Peggy and burst in tears. The lady allowed me the time to finish my tears. I explained what raw emotion her story touched.
If the lost child died due to an overdose, the term “junkie” for a drug user is a painful description for a bereaved parent. So is the opinion that “junkies do not deserve to live”. Bereaved parents tend to learn about addiction and in general believe the scientific diagnosis that addiction is a mental disease and like any other disease the addicted person deserves treatment. A bereaved parent may not be in the mood or may not have the mental energy to argue the scientific findings with a person who wants to express their opinion with no scientific backing.

We thank you for taking the time to read these anecdotes.

Prev: Part three

Avi,

The BTFMovement

You are not invincible –Stew Birbrower

Together we march towards a destiny

February 2018

Anecdote 18: How to behave around someone who lost a child, part three

Anecdotes from Avi

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Introduction

During the last anecdote we discussed our human inability to understand an emotion that we did not experience. We will now try to relate the emotion of a loss of a child with another experience.

Loss of a child

A bereaved parent, has in a way lost a part of herself/himself. Especially a senseless loss, like loss due to an overdose. This loss is wrapped with trauma, sorrow, self-pity, regrets, guilt and constantly going over in one’s mind “what if I said …”, “what if I did …”, “what if I understood …” and “only if my spouse did/understand/do …”.

The emotions, the pain, the trauma wrapped around a loss of a child are invisible to others mostly because most of us do not experience such a loss and obviously it leaves no external visible marks. We all know sadness, disappointment and heartbreak, they all pass away with time. These experiences of sadness, disappointment and heartbreak do not reflect on the emotions of a loss of a child.

For the sake of this discussion let’s liken the loss of a child to a dancer who spent years perfecting her dancing skills, worked hard at perfecting these skills and sacrificed practically everything else in life for these skills; then due to an accident, she lost her legs and now is confined to a wheelchair. The difference between the loss of a child and the dancer’s loss of legs is that the loss of legs is a visible condition while the loss of a child is an invisible condition.

A dancer who lost her legs now needs to learn to live her life without the use of her legs and without constantly working on her dream–dancing. Similarly, a parent who lost a child needs to learn to live without the child and without the work toward the future of that child and future grandchildren from the lost child. When the dancer says: “I don’t feel the same” people around her “understand”. When the dancer says: “I still cry over the loss of my legs and my inability to dance” even years after the accident, no one feels that she needs to be schooled about how she should feel, or that she needs to “move on”.

The memory of the lost child

The parent who lost a child wishes above all that the memory of the child will not be lost. A lady who lost her daughter wrote on Facebook: “If you mention my daughter’s name I may cry, but if you don’t I will be devastated.”

Next anecdote: We will conclude our discussion with dos and don’ts.

Prev: part two Next: part four

Avi,

The BTFMovement

You are not invincible –Stew Birbrower

Together we march towards a destiny

October 2017

Anecdote 13: What to do if you suspect that your child is using drugs, part nine

Anecdotes from Avi

Prev: Part eight Next: Part ten

Introduction

During the last anecdote, we discussed the need to protect the relationship with one’s spouse, protect one’s own sanity and we discussed the need for education about addiction. We wrapped the discussion with a plan for changing behavior and not to “sneak up” with a new behavior.

I understand that what I advocate here:

Love your addicted child and help the child understand her/his isolation, hopelessness, trauma and stress

goes contrary to what we are taught by society and authority. Society and authority teach us that the appropriate response to catching someone using a drug is punishment, shame and ridicule. Even in earlier Nar-Anon meetings we were taught to let the child reach rock bottom and not cushion their fall due to “bad” behavior. The rationale behind “let them reach rock bottom” advice was to allow the user of drugs reach this place, rock bottom, quickly. Knowing that “rock bottom” is so unpleasant, so unacceptable that the person, who keeps on making bad decisions, will want to escape that “rock bottom” place so badly, that now, that person, will do the “right thing” out of necessity. As result, we found out that “rock bottom” is an unreachable, moving target and too many of our children died away.

Silver lining

The silver lining in the whole story of overcoming addiction is the fact that the drug, the substance, on its own, is not the only cause for addiction.

Our soldiers who fought in the Vietnam war witnessed unimaginable atrocities. Those soldiers, in large percentage, used Opiates, the drug of choice of that area of the world at the time. A lot of these soldiers, when back States-side stopped using Opiates, they just did not need it any more. Our ex-soldiers just went on with their lives and did not need the numbing effects of the drug. An important point here is that not all soldiers, who used Opiates, stopped using the drug once State-side.

A second anecdotal story in our silver lining narrative is cigarette smokers who want to quit smoking: When these smokers are provided the drug, Nicotine, through a different delivery mechanism, the patch, only 17% of them will quit smoking, even though 100% of them wanted to quit smoking and bought the patch.

Some folks are more prone to addiction than others, this is our genetic makeup and short of changing our parents we cannot change our genes. Isolation, hopelessness and trauma are environmental makeup factors that lead to addiction, factors that we can control. Therefore, your job, as a parent, is to help your child understand the cause of her/his isolation, hopelessness and trauma. Then enlighten your child and help your child find the cause and solution to their isolation, hopelessness and trauma.

Your child needs your love and understanding now more than ever. Punishment, shame and ridicule will hurt your child and further their use and addiction.

Addiction is not lack of moral conviction

At times, you may feel that deeply religious conviction runs contrary to addiction and an addict is a person who simply lacks or lost a moral compass.

A person may have deep moral and religious convictions yet that same person can suffer from pain and/or chronic sickness. Drug addiction is a chronic sickness and as such religious conviction is not at odds with addiction.

I do know of a mother whose son turned to religion and spent the majority of his time with his new-found religious order and as such did not associate with his drug using buddies. His mother attributes his recovery to religion. If your child finds new friends, away from drug use, then this is a positive step.

Next anecdote: we will explore antidote to opiates and describe the process of overdosing

Prev: Part eight Next: Part ten

You are not invincible—Stew Birbrower

Together we march towards a destiny

September 2017

Anecdote 11: What to do if you suspect that your child is using drugs, part seven

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Introduction

During the last anecdote, we discussed the importance of patience, the importance of seeking a support group, the importance of trusting your own knowledge and instincts and good communication with oneself and with others. I believe that honest communication with oneself are key to success in achieving any goal or endeavor.

We will now continue with the list of actions a parent can take to help their child through to recovery.

Actions a parent can take

Your relationship with your child is of high importance: It is very easy to demand that your child just stop making bad decisions, or just stop using drugs, or just stop seeing friends that you consider bad influence. These demands will only hurt your relationship with your child, especially when you tried this approach in the past and have met with no success.

Let’s consider the following scenarios: Say you ask your child to stop using drugs and let’s assume that your child would like to comply. So, your child stops using drugs for some period of time. We will ignore withdrawals for now. If there is no substitute for the time that was spent using the drug, then your child will be in a need to fill that time with some activity. Having no other viable substitute (at least not viable in your child’s mind), drug use will come back.

Second scenario: Say you ask your child to stay away from his drug using buddies and let’s say that your child agrees and would like to comply. With no other friends to hang out with (at least none that your child believes s/he can hang out with right now), your child will be drawn back to her/his drug using buddies. Potentially you, at this point, would love to point out how many non-drug-using friends your child has. Your child, for whatever reason, may not feel comfortable approaching these non-drug-using friends right now. Your job is not to argue and prove logically that you are right and your child wrong. Your job now is to help your child find a path to her/his non-drug-using friends or new non-drug-using friends.

Knowing the above, you may attempt to direct your child to spend time in school or work, in the hope that having an activity away from drug use will lead your child to a path away from drugs. Depending on how addicted your child is, these activities, that you consider normal, may become high stress situations which will lead your child back to using drugs.

Help your child architect a path out of addiction with love and understanding.

Protect your relationship with the rest of your children: No doubt the rest of your children have guilt feelings that need to be aired out, or worse yet they may be on their own path to their own addiction. Make sure that you do not neglect your other children in your attempt to help the addicted child. Try not letting your other children feel that they are less important than the addicted child. You may care to set up regular scheduled time with your other children. Explain to your other children that their risk of being addicts themselves is greater than average and as such they may care to refrain or curtail their use of alcohol.

Next Anecdote: We will delve further into actions a parent can take up.

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You are not invincible—Stew Birbrower

Together we march towards a destiny

September 2017

Anecdote 10: What to do if you suspect that your child is using drugs, part six

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Introduction

During the last Anecdote, we discussed the fact that the user of drugs is in pain, had developed self-defense mechanisms that adds further isolation. We discussed the fact that addiction is a mental disease that hijacks the ability to self-control and lastly, we discussed that recovery from addiction is five (5) years period. Now we will turn our attention to the actions a parent can take.

Actions a parent can take

Arm yourself with patience: You will need the patience of a saint, because you are trying to help a person who wants none of your help. Use the Directed Free Association and the Master Mind Alliance to come up with different topics of discussion and strategies of behavior towards your child. Expect your strategies to be ineffective and yield little result. Keep in mind that you do not have the luxury of giving up on your child. Keep on consulting with yourself, professional help and keep on keeping on, even when the situation looks like nothing is working.

Neither you nor your child can solve the problem of addiction on your own: Seek out the help of a support group like Nar-Anon. Nar-Anon stands for Narcotics Anonymous which is the equivalent of Al-Anon (Alcoholics Anonymous). If you cannot find a Nar-Anon meeting in your neighborhood go to an Al-Anon meeting, the two follow an identical program. While you attend Nar-Anon, you need to encourage your child to attend NA and better yet, attend Rehab first. NA also stands for Narcotics Anonymous and is a support group for the habitual user. NA is the equivalent of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous which focuses on the alcoholic). NA follows the same program as AA.

Trust your knowledge and instincts: I recommend that you evaluate the suggestion of any external advice, be it an advice from a support group member, a health professional or anyone else, then apply the given suggestion only if it makes sense for you. Use caution when you take an advice from an advisor having no skin in your game and none or little knowledge of the specifics about your situation. This is, for the most part, true for professional counselors who listen to you for a period of 45 minutes during which your counselor remembers none of the information that you shared during any other counseling session. I do not mean to imply that there is no benefit to be had from a professional psychologist, I am asking you to evaluate their advice—or my advice for that matter of fact.

Common sense: Be honest with yourself, with your child and with your family. (Being honest with oneself can prove to be most difficult as the adage says: A person can lie to strangers half of the times, a person can lie to their own spouse seventy five percent of the times, but a person can lie to her/himself a hundred percent of the times.) Say what you mean and mean what you say. My advice is not to let your emotions run away with you. Don’t make threats, especially not idol threats. Be consistent with your opinion, your message and your goals. Then, stay positive and work tirelessly toward achieving your goals even in the face of no-progress and defeat. Keep in mind that your struggle will take some five years, so expecting success overnight is not realistic. Then if you do not succeed, this lack of success does not mean that you failed or that there is no solution, it means that what you had done did not work, right now.

Next Anecdote: We will continue the discussion of actions a parent can take

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You are not invincible—Stew Birbrower

Together we march towards a destiny

September 2017

Anecdote 9: What to do if you suspect that your child is using drugs, part five

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Introduction

During the last anecdote, we discussed symptoms of a frequent user. Let’s turn our attention to understanding of the child’s behavior and actions a parent can take.

Information points and action steps

Your child is in pain: Recognize that your child is in pain and therefore your job is to add no further pain. Getting to the source and cause of pain is the hard part that will require an investment of mental energy and communication with your child. Potentially you will need to seek the help a professional counselor.

Self-defense: Your child developed some self-defense mechanism techniques. Some of the defense mechanisms include hiding her/his behavior and emotions from you. You are trying to break these defense mechanism barriers down. Breaking those barriers down will require creative thinking and deviation from the normal BAU (business as usual).

Addiction is a mental disease: Addiction is classified as a mental disease that is co-morbid with other mental diseases that may have developed due to the addiction itself. You may meet folks who are willing to share their ignorance and even sound intelligent while they lay out an argument as to why addiction is not a disease. Keep in mind that the folks conducting research on addiction, like Nora Volkow, the head of the Drug Abuse Division part of the NIH (National Institute of Health) believes that addiction is a disease and has research to back her opinion up.

Stress leads to more drug use: In general, an addicted person cannot handle stress. Stress will lead an addicted person to more drug use. Drug use, especially opiate use, not only takes away physical pain it also takes away emotional pain. We all learn from our past behavior and create patterns of behavior called paradigms of behavior. So does an opiate user and the pattern of behavior that and opiate user develop is that pain, discomfort and stress can be resolved with another dose of opiates.

Addiction hijacks the self-control mechanism of the brain: Consider the following scenario: an addicted child decides not to use drugs any longer. The child even tells you so and means it; you feel that your child means every word they said and you believe your child. Then your child goes off and uses the drug again. This behavior means nothing more than the fact that the child is addicted and lost her/his self-control. When the child told you that s/he will not use drugs any more, the child meant it and was honest about it. Due to lack of self-control the child could not resist her/himself when the drug was offered to them. Your child’s addicted friends and drug dealer will give your child drugs, free of charge, and exert pressure on your child to use drugs, just to keep the status quo. Friends would like not to lose friends, especially not a good drug-using buddy and a dealer would like not to lose a client.

Recovery, a path out of addiction: Recovery from addiction is a period of about five (5) years. Plan your child’s recovery with that time frame in mind. Preferably long-term rehab is part of the picture.

If your child had attended rehab and now out of rehab, then this is a dangerous time for your child to overdose. Rehab lasts a short period of time during which the drug is, physically, out of your child’s body, but not necessarily out of your child psychological need. Your child may have been dreaming, during rehab’s time, of using their drug of choice. Now after rehab, your child’s tolerance for the drug is not what it was before rehab and hence the danger of overdose. Even leaving your child to find their way home on their own, after rehab, could be a time for purchasing and using their drug. You need also to watch out for your child’s safety, from overdose, during the holidays and especially on your child’s birthday.

Mixing drugs with opiates can be fatal: You may care to educate your child that mixing other drugs with opiates can be fatal. If your child had engaged in use of any drug then during that day your child should refrain from opiates and vice versa, if the child used opiates, then on that day, the child should refrain from using any other drug.

Next Anecdote: We will discuss what actions a parent may take

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You are not invincible—Stew Birbrower

Together we march towards a destiny

September 2017

Anecdote 8: What to do if you suspect that your child is using drugs, part four

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Introduction

During the last anecdote, we distinguished between the casual user of drugs and a frequent user of drugs. Our discussion continues with the frequent user of drugs. There is little to say about the casual user of drugs except to caution that this casual use does not turn into addiction.

A person under 20+ yoa (years of age) is most vulnerable, to further complication from drug use, because our human brain is not fully developed until our 20+ yoa. To our discussion the Orbital Frontal Cortex, the area in the front of the brain, right above our eyes that is responsible for our self-control is not fully developed until 20+ yoa, the area of the brain responsible for self-control. Addiction disrupts our ability to self-control ourselves. For more information see the video by Nora Volkow who heads the Drug Abuse Division of the NIH (National Institute of Health): https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=nora+volkow%2c+study+of+the+live+brain&&view=detail&mid=71AFD11A366AB2F7244771AFD11A366AB2F72447&FORM=VRDGAR.

We will concentrate on Opiate substance abuse, even though addiction is broader than substance abuse, we know of addiction to food as in a morbid obesity, addiction to gambling, addiction to pornography, etc.

Opiates

Opiates is the substance that our prescription pain killers are based on, like Oxycontin, Oxycodone, Percocet, Vicodin and the first billion dollars drug—Valium. Opiates is the substance that Heroin and Morphine are made of and there are synthetic opiates like Fentanyl. I will use the term “Opiates” to describe all the above substances and there is no need to distinguish between them, they all have the same effect on the body.

Symptoms of a frequent user of drugs

Some of the symptoms of a frequent user of drugs are:

The child changes behavior in a short period of time. By a short period of time, I mean a period that is shorter than a year. So, for example, the child changes friends/best friend, changes interests, like: sports, music, pastime, etc.
The child’s grades drop, all within that short period of time (a year or less).
The child cannot hold down a job for very long.
Small mishaps occur almost daily, like a fender bender, like being late, like having wrong directions to an important meeting, like forgetting an important task, etc. Those mishaps, each one of which, on its own, is meaningless, but considering their frequency as a symptom of an underlying cause, makes them very meaningful. They indicate that the child is constantly distracted and life cannot continue to tick normally. This symptom is telling because folks who are addicted to Opiates, in general, think of the next use of opiates, all the time. (An exception is Methadone, a person can use Methadone, get a high that is similar to that of Heroin but not think about the drug constantly to the point that they cannot hold down a job, or cannot function.)
As the disease of addiction progresses, the child will lie and steal from you habitually. This behavior infuriates parents. Please consider the fact that your child is no longer in control; their self-control is not intact. You, as a parent, is witnessing the effect of a disease. This is not a cause for punishment. I am fully aware that the parent is in an internal conflict and dilemma. You, the parent, is left not knowing what to do, on the one hand you are not supposed to let the child lie and steal without some form of retribution, but on the other hand you are not supposed to punish your sick child for being sick. Use your Directed Free Association and/or Master Mind Alliance to find ways to encourage your child to attend a long-term rehab and NA (Narcotics Anonymous).

These symptoms do not have to occur all at once, so if you find a symptom from the above list that your child does not exhibit, don’t sigh a sigh of relief yet. Moreover, be aware that your child will tend to hide the symptoms that s/he believes are tell tailing about her/his addiction.

Next Anecdote: We will explain some points about addiction and the person using drugs

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You are not invincible—Stew Birbrower

Together we march towards a destiny

August 2017

Anecdote 7: What to do if you suspect that your child is using drugs, part three

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Introduction

During the last anecdote, we discussed the importance of good relationship with your child and family love, we also discussed the sandwich approach to criticism. We will now turn to an evaluation of the drug use itself.

Evaluate and Act

Casual user: If you suspect that your child is a casual user of drugs AND NOT AN ADDICT, then you may care to do nothing more than express your concerns and set a regular discussion times with your child. These discussion times should be welcomed and not painful for your child. A time during which your child will look forward to talking with you, a time during which you are not judgmental, negative, insulting or punitive. These discussions do not always have to be about drugs. Try to learn from your child as much as you teach your child. Keep in mind that these discussions are not meant to make you feel good about yourself, they are designed for you to learn more about your child.

I have one word of caution for you: The thought that your child is using drugs, especially Heroin, is so painful so terrifying that you may minimize or exaggerate your child’s habit. You need to investigate what your child tells you, but in a way that does not harm your relationship with your child. You may care to pay close attention to your child’s behavior.

If the use of drugs is truly casual, then you may care to invest in reading the book: High Price by Carl Hart (https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/high-price-carl-hart/1114195547?ean=9780062015891). Carl Hart describes drugs and their use in an honest way, where casual use may not be as devastating as we are led to believe by the authorities.

Frequent user: If, on the other hand, you believe that your child is using drugs frequently, as frequently as daily or close to it, then you may consider a different course of action. The rest of our discussion will concentrate on this topic of the frequent user.

A child that is a frequent user of drugs is more than likely an addict, this includes daily use of Marijuana. Addiction is a difficult concept to wrap your head and emotions around and at this point you may feel that your child is not an addict. I ask that you make sure that you are not in denial.

If the concept of “addiction” is revolting, then I ask that you overcome the negative connotations of the word “addiction” and consider the fact that if your child cannot stop the behavior that hurts her/his life then discussing if it is addition or not is a moot point.

For alcoholism, there are tests that will allow one to better evaluate the likelihood of one being an alcoholic. For example, https://www.verywell.com/could-you-have-an-alcohol-abuse-problem-3894213 is such a test. A good starting point is to evaluate, for yourself, as if the questionnaire was about Heroin, or your child’s drug of choice and take the test for your child. (Unfortunately, the test does not provide the arithmetic to reveal the likelihood of alcoholism based on the questionnaire.)

Next anecdote: we will delve into the symptoms of the frequent user.

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You are not invincible—Stew Birbrower

Together we march towards a destiny

August 2017

Anecdote 5: What to do if you suspect that your child is using drugs, part one

Previous: Marijuana Residue in Pipe Part Four Next: Part two

Introduction

We are starting a new series and as usual we take no responsibility for the actions you take to help your children. The information I share here is true as it relates to us, my wife and I, our experience and the knowledge I amassed since our son, Ben, passed on. With that I expect that you apply the information that I share as it best applies to you and your situation. With that let’s get started.

If you suspect that your child is using drugs, chances are that you are correct. The question is what can you do about it, in a way that makes sense, that is effective and most of all does no further harm to your child.

Put first thing first

Most importantly, if you are in a shock or in a panic, work to calm yourself down or reevaluate your approach. The words “shock” and “panic” may not be the exact description of the emotions or the ensuing behavior. The feeling may be that of dread, consternation, dismay, helplessness, anger and even terror. Where panic, as I see it, is a sudden shock, the realization that your child is using drugs, especially Heroin, may not be panic per se, but the behavior involved as result of that knowledge, mimics that of panic. As such, I know that me advising you to calm yourself down or reevaluate your approach, is way easier said than done, but I feel, that this is a crucial first step.

Panic mode is usually identified by either: Fight, Flight or Shut down. These modes of conduct are something to watch out for when they are habitual. If they occur infrequently then work towards curtailing or eliminating them all together. Obviously, these behavior modes are ineffective and do not produce positive results.

Fight mode: You find yourself in frequent fights with your child, with your spouse, a fight with your other children and/or a fight with others. The reason for these fights is the need to control the situation.
Flight mode: You may be so upset with your child, with your other children, upset with your spouse and/or upset with others to the point that you avoid them.
Shut down: You just don’t know what to do and as such do nothing.

Vindictiveness: Each one of the above modes can be accompanied with vindictiveness. Keep in mind that vindictiveness is a short term emotional relief valve that does not produce positive results.

Quick fix: At times, you may wish that someone will tell you what to do so that your child will stop using drugs. Drug use did not develop overnight and there is no quick fix for stopping your child from using drugs. Be vigilant when someone offers you a quick fix. We are drawn to a quick fix solution because we want the problem gone and for a short period of time the quick fix provides a mental relief, but the quick fix solution can do more harm than good.

Complaining and criticizing: You may find yourself complaining and criticizing your child when you interact with your child and/or criticizing and complaining about your child to anyone who would listen. This is very destructive and produces nothing good, in the long run.

One action you may try to take is “Directed Free Association” at times you may hear it called Solitude, or Meditation. It will take 5 – 10 minutes out of your day and it will allow you to laser focus your thoughts on the problem you are interested in solving. As it turns out when you are alone with your own thoughts your ego and emotions are tucked out away with more ease then when you are talking to others. Alone you can allow yourself to be totally honest with yourself. Directed Free Association is a highly effective method.

How to direct free associate: Find 5 – 10 minutes during your day when you can be totally alone with your own thoughts, a time during which you have no distractions. No other human or pet distractions, no radio, no TV, no music, no work-related distractions nor too dark a place that is conducive to sleep, etc. I, personally, found out, that for myself, such a time is first thing when I awake in the morning. I awake about 30 minutes before anyone else and I spend some of these minutes with a cup of tea and my own thoughts. (It turns out that I always sit in the same spot on the sofa.) During that time, write your thoughts down, preferably in a notebook dedicated for your thoughts. Sit up comfortably (not lay down) with or without a drink, like coffee, tea or water. Your brain is a very efficient factory for thoughts, so allow your brain to free-associate and direct those free-association thoughts toward the problem at hand. You may want to make it a daily habit. For more information about this method see the book: The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz (https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/magic-of-thinking-big-david-j-schwartz/1100319349?ean=9780671646783)

In general, we can handle just so many major ongoing stress problems that occur all at once. Usually having a child who is using drugs is not the only major problem that parents are facing. If we can compartmentalize the problems and think of them one at a time we can juggle more than one major issue. Having a confidant can be a great help and if you have one consider yourself blessed. Napoleon Hill, in his book Think and Grow Rich (http://eventualmillionaire.com/Resources/ThinkandGrowRichebook.pdf) talks about a “Master Mind Alliance”. The Master Mind Alliance is a fictional group of characters that you form to counsel with. Say that you feel, for example, that if you could counsel with Abraham Lincoln, the sixteenth president of the United States, then you would ask old Abe how not to give up. Napoleon Hill recommends that you do just that, have a conversation with your own mental creation of Abraham Lincoln and discuss with him the issues that you need to discuss. These discussions can take place anytime and anywhere, potentially you need no more than to lean back in your chair close your eyes and ask your counselling buddy a question. Then you assume the role of the counseling buddy and respond back to yourself. This technique is also very effective a technique where you will allow yourself to question yourself with your ego in check. You are not limited to one counselling buddy you may assemble a whole team to be available to you at your beck and call.

Next Anecdote: We will discuss the benefits of a good relationship

Previous: Marijuana Residue in Pipe Part Four Next: Part two

You are not invincible—Stew Birbrower

Together we march towards a destiny

July 2017

Anecdote 4: Marijuana Residue in Pipe, Part Four

Previous: part three Next: What to do if you suspect that your child is using drugs, part one

Anecdote 4: Marijuana Residue in Pipe

Stigma—Drug problem compounded

The problem of drugs is compounded by the stigma that drug use carries. This stigma and survival instincts lead drug users to hide their drug use. This stigma drives parents to shame and hide the fact that their child is a drug user. This very stigma makes schools toughen their stand on the “fight against drug use in school” and hand in hand schools do not advertise the problem that runs rampant within their walls. This stigma is also responsible for our politicians to avoid the talk about sensible solutions to our drug problem, nor do politicians talk about drug related deaths due to overdose in their districts. (I feel, though, that some politicians, as of late will do some—to the best of their ability, in the way of sensible solution. It is a start!)

Worse yet some in the law enforcement workers are frustrated by the failure of the “war against drugs” and double down to increase punishment, despite the fact that increase in punishment does not curtail or stop the drug use and abuse.

Conclusion

The way we can change the system is to either wait for the drug problem to hit enough of our elected officials so that one of them will step out and attempt to “risk it all” and champion sensible solutions, or else we can collectively keep on pounding on our officials and demand, over and over again, that the law will keep in step with the changing currents in society. Even more important to changing the law is the need for education. Many of us live in denial of the drug problem in our homes, neighborhoods, schools and towns.

What you can do

Get involved and help us through donating some efforts, a little bit of your hours and/or a little bit of your money.

Also, write a letter to three of your elected officials and cc us at info@BTFMovement.com. When we reach a significant number of letters sent we have a lot more leverage to find a politician that will champion a change in the law. (Soon coming is a template for a letter to your officials and where to find your official).

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